Romantic Restoration

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Enjoy Your Day

To embrace deep love you must be willing to become vulnerable, have the courage of a strong lion; be gentle as a dove and as delicate as a rose. www.romanticrestoration.org

Happy 2021 New Year

The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best. But still loves and accepts you at your worst.The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best. But still loves and accepts you at your worst.

Strip away defenses by making each other feel safe and respected. This one might take some real effort old habits die hard. But the key to breaking those habits is to not do what you would usually do. So, your partner might say something that makes you want to interrupt or reply with a counterpoint or criticism hold back! Let them share and focus on truly hearing what they are saying (active listening), instead of thinking about your retort. Remember, you should not need to attack to defend yourself if your partner is also committed to give you space to share when it is your turn. Be respectful of each other, not only in what you say, but in your body language as well.

Once you have identified the barriers that are preventing you from communicating productively, it is time to sit down together and commit to working on this. Acknowledge the struggle. Admit that communication has not been your strong suit and agree that your relationship deserves better. Recognize that this is a skill that you can improve. Tell each other why you want to work on communicating better. Then think of it as a fresh start in a new journey together.

Do you know what your hot spots are? These are the things that we tend to have an involuntary emotional reaction to when they are brought up. It might be something you are insecure about, connected to a past hurt, or even tied to what you experienced in your family growing up. Try to dig deep to figure out what these things are and why they make you have an emotional reaction.

Do you need to make each other feel safe? If your conversations often result in one or both of you feeling judged or attacked, it is easy to see how you would both be primed to get defensive the next time around. What do you need to feel like you can let down your guard? How can you show that you want your partner to feel safe communicating openly with you?

Do you need to do some self-reflection? It is easy to get wrapped up in focusing on all the ways your partner is contributing to the problem. The more you think about it, the angrier you get, and the more justified you feel in that mean comment you made. But sitting in this cycle does not help you communicate with your partner. To break it, we need to take a step back and be honest with ourselves. How am I contributing to the problem? What could I do or have done differently?