SOUL Matters Counseling

RELATIONSHIPS MATTER! I'm sharing a post from a friend. She has a sweet marriage and a beautiful story of shared love. Her words remind us today...When we choose a partner for life, it's important to choose well! It makes a difference!

I've said it before and I'll say it again... There is a powerful link between sunlight and mood. Get outdoors even in the winter! KmI've said it before and I'll say it again... There is a powerful link between sunlight and mood. Get outdoors even in the winter! Km

DID YOU KNOW When we become OVERLY aroused WITH STRONG EMOTIONS: angry, anxious or fearful we can no longer think clearly. It's like going off line with out a code to the internet connect. We can no longer see the big picture of experience and our perspective narrows greatly. At that point we are left with black or white thinking, a common cognitive problem that messes with our relationships and our mental health. Black and White thinking is not the same as a cuddly furry bla...ck and white dog! Instead it's quite thorny! The way back to healthy perspective can take time. But it always involves calming our over activated nervous system. Do you know what healthy step calms you? Petting a dog helps some folks! #selfcare #prn #essential #increasedhope #itwillgetbetter See more

Soul growth might be a new concept to some. I think of it as the deep down growth that comes from honest vulnerability and stepping out of the shadow of life into the full light! Real change is something you can see and others can too. It's consistent, unwavering and devoted change. It's only possible when we reach gut wrenching surrender of everything else that keeps us in an unhealthy place. Pay attention to anything and everything that is a barrier to the change you desire but struggle to reach. Surrender what you can and repeat tomorrow. Tip.. ask for help, support and risk faith. Even when you can't, believe deeply with God's help, you can! Then take the next step friends!

How good it would be for our mental health if we resolve to stop wasting new year resolutions on outselves and instead use them to show kindness/love to others! Think about it! Happy New Year to all!

DREAD OR JOY? ITS COLD OUTSIDE. The beauty of the snow is other world! Intetesting...for some the beauty will disappear quickly yet others will be filled with resilient glee day after day during the cold season with or without snow. How can these two moods be possible in a long cold season? That's what a PhD student, Ted Leibowitz wondered, so he focused his studies on finding an answer. He spent a winter season in Northern Norway in hopes to find out. You see in this... region it is cold and DARK (no sun) for four (4) months yet seasonal depression ( SAD) is quite low. It turns out that Mr. Leibowitz discovered in Northern Norway, people view winter as something to be enjoyed, not something to be endured." His winter vacation and study revealed "how people view the cold months" made the difference. Please read this "Seasonal depression is very real and very unpleasant". Don't read this wrong! Teds' study does not make light of seasonal depression. The study gives us a solid way for coping not just with winter but with a plethora of hard things! This script to consider our view is found also in Scripture... Philipians 4:8. If you don't know the passage enjoy reading it today. You may or may not call yourself a person of faith, yet Scripture like other valid helps is an excellent resource. So we learn from God's word how to better cope. Believing and trusting God certainly increases our experience of true joy. So you see... we all have an opportunity to increase resillance. Consider today just one thing you can do to feel better, enjoy the moment, or appreciate your surroundings. Keep it doable. Do not do 10 things, not 5 things, but 1 thing! For example: (Smell the coffee) (Hug your family) (Help a stranger) (Notice the blessings) (Share with a neighbor) (Wear your favorite sweatshirt) (Celebrate a friend's success) (Set one goal...like make the bed daily) Get the idea? We have limitless options to do one thing to enjoy our life today. Give it a try friends!

Pace yourself today! Tomorrow your Soul will thank you! Km

One sign of emotional stability is emotional regulation. You ask "what's that"? ER... Is the ability to manage our emotional state and stay flexible and adaptable in our setting. I like to think of it as noticing if we get heightened or begin to escalate and then adjusting ourselves. It's a bit like when the house gets overheated and you decide to turn the thermostat down. Emotional regulation is a conscious decision to change something so you remain in control of your emot...ions rather than them taking control of you. This is no small matter, especially If we're in the middle of a conflict of some kind. If what we value and what we believe in is threatened we can become reactive and even explosive in the blink of an eye. Therapist and Psychologists talk of this experience as being a moment someone is triggered or emotionally flooded. Flood gates open and no man can stop or hold back the roaring waters of emotion that eventually subside in regrets. Would you like some more info or even practical tips for managing strong emotions? There are many ideas, tips and skills We can learn to apply.

Anxiety grows when we push against it. Need a few tricks to work with your experience? Do you get caught im what if thinking? Try allowing your anxiety to come today instead of pushing it away. Then think about letting it go like a floating ballon. Breath deeply and focus on what is rather than what if. Remind yourself in this moment the sky is not falling, your standing on the ground, and your smart! You will find a way through the what if should it come... but for now embrace what is in this moment.

An ‘Awe Walk’ Might Do Wonders for Your Well-Being, Body and Soul! Recent study referenced in the NY Times finds that men and women who took a fresh look at the surroundings, vistas, mountains, oceans around them while out on a walk felt more upbeat and hopeful. Could it be that "awe" is a theraputic emotion? Being outdoors in Nature is commonly understood to be "good for our mental health. But apparently the emotion "awe" is even better medicine!

TAKE A TINY VACATION If you're struggling to feel grounded today because your mind is filled with Covid concerns try a tiny vacation. Turn on some Christmas music/or other. Now light a candle and make a cup of coffee/tea. Then pick up a book or magazine and allow yourself to slip away from the pressing news. ... Even if you or a loved one/friend is suffering with Covid illness, slipping away for a few gives our mind and emotions a tiny vacation. We all need vacations to keep going and being productive. In the middle of hard stuff we also need ways to cope and carry on! So go ahead and take that tiny vaca today. What feels like vacation to you? A tiny vacation can look many ways this season. Maybe for you it is taking a walk, playing with your pup or taking a hot shower middle of the day. I like ordering out, looking at photos, decorating and pulling out a receipe passed down in the family. The great thing is we can all choose our destination!

EVERYONE HAS GOOD TRAITS! CAN YOU OWN THE GOOD IN YOU? TRY IT! IT FEELS GOOD TO APPRECIATE OUR GOOD! WHO ARE YOU?... Kind. Intelligent .Hardworking. Loyal. Attractive. Down-to-Earth Goofy .Creative. Accepting .Strong. Friendly .Flexible. Nurturing Thoughtful .Confident .Optimistic. Respectful. Determined Skilled .Helpful .Motivated.Insightful .Funny .Patient .Realistic .Honest .Generous Modest. Serious. Independent .Trusting Resilient .Cheerful .Self-Directed. Reliable .Relaxed. Listener Brave. Decisive. Enthusiastic .Forgiving .Humble. Sensitive .Organized. Selfless .Practical. Mature .Focused Courteous. Grateful. Open-Minded .Positive. Responsible .Cooperative .Frugal. Tolerant. Innovative. Balanced

When we feel our worst, we dont think our best thoughts! When we feel well, we usually think well! `k meesWhen we feel our worst, we dont think our best thoughts! When we feel well, we usually think well! `k mees

BRAIN HEALTH IS A THING A key way to keep your brain working is shut it off for 7-9 hours a night. "Sleep is the most important thing you can do to reset the brain, allow it to heal, and to restore mental health," says Romie Mushtaq, MD, a neurologist and integrative medicine specialist. ~WEBMD

TAKING CARE OF YOUR BRAIN IS SMART! I don't know about you but I try to read a bit every day. Turns out reading every day is good for our brain and keeps THINKING WELL. There are other things we can do as well that are known to help our mind stay healthy and work well. First do you know What can be damaging to our brains? Some like to say America is dumbing down. Not my words but I understand. Things like substances, poor diet, disease, and inactivity can change brain healt...h. Smart people know a few important ways to take care of their mind. Feel free to take a few notes! 1. Read every day. 2. Exercise and include cardio and strength. 3. Do and learn new things...like travel, cook, sew, blog, or dance. 4. Swap out social media for an online class. 5. Eat your greens and drink 8 glasses of water. 6. Establish a bedtime routine. 6. Manage your schedules and your stress. 7. Spend time with inspirational peoplè. 8. If you are 9 or 90 play....yes play. Even better ...play with friends.

Did you know story telling is what relationships are largely about! But listening is the skill we all need to succeed in our relationships. So what blocks the listening? So many things... right!!! Be bold and share with me something that distracts you or blocks your listening.

WHAT IS A THOUGHT. Do you know? Thoughts are important for so many reasons. They influence our feelings and inform our actions and more!!!. Thoughts comforter us, soothe or feed our anger, sadness, joy, or fear. Are you ready! Write it down. A thought is a sentence in your mind that you create about YOU, Others, or the world and or your circumstance! ... Mind more than your manners today mind your thoughts! Thoughts can be life-giving. Thoughts can be deadly. Thoughts can free us. Thoughts can imprison us. Thoughts can lift us up and thoughts can hold us down.

DID I HEAR YOU SAY CONFLICT? One of the most surprising things I learned in my first communication class as a university student was that conflict is healthy. Conflicts can helps us grow, understand others, shed our selfish bent, and learn to love others more genuinely and deeply. I hope you know this means there is a difference in healthy conflict and destructive communication. If you want to do conflict well and avoid destructive communication traits start with the agre...ement you will be mutually loving, mutually respectful, and mutually honest. Then decide to use three basic rules you and your partner, your family, your parents, whomever...can agree upon. This is wise according to John Gottman who's research on relationships suggest that unbridled conflict can turn destrctive quickly. It's not always the words we say, but how we say the words we say that can be toxic. Here are a few ideas to keep your communication on a healthy track. This is also the only time I recall giving permission to think in terms of always and never! 1. Never mirror a partners bad or negative behavior. ( like Sarcasm, Withdrawing, Defensiveness, or Disrespect). 2. Alwsys take turns and follow assertive considerate guides. 3. Always pause if communication is escalating or the conflict feels toxic. 4. Never forget that all behavior is a form of communication. 5. Always remember to let your words, expressions, body language, tone, and spirit be humble and kind. Honest and true, we can all say hard things and do hard things better with a spirit of kindness and humility. It may take a little practice but give it a try. Soon you will find it is worth the effort.

HOW ABOUT ANGER! Mark Twain was not a psychologist, but I have a feeling he knew a little bit about emotions. HE ONCE WROTE, "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." Today I want to URGE you... please take care of your anger. You will never regret learning how to appropriately feel, express and manage this powerful emotion.... Dallas Willard, Counselor, Pastor, Teacher, Philosopher was a man of exceptional wisdom. When I read his words I am moved by his counsel. He wrote in his book Divine Conspiracy "what can be done in anger can be done better without it". We can all chew on that statement a while. It seems Dallas Willard and Mark Twain both knew that anger does not do for us what we might assume it will. Anger will NOT help us accomplish something important, like feel heard, get what we want or gain a sense of control. More often anger WILL crush the spirit of AN angry person and lead them to feel powerless, which fuels more anger. Stop and think about a time when you felt as if your hands were tied, you were powerless to make a change so that you desired in your experience. Recall the emotions you felt at the time and notice the emotions you feel now just revisiting the memory. This little exercise can help us recognize feeling powerless fuels anger. We do not have to be powerless. We can feel the emotion anger without being destructive. We are not bad when we feel angry. We can learn to express anger in healthy ways and improve our lives as a result.

ON COMMUINICATION WHAT is the key to good communication? So many things. But one thing stands out. It's no surprise communication is more about listening than responding. How can we become a better listener? Here are some thoughts drawn from some of the best in the field of relationship work.... 1. Pause and process what is being said. 2. Seek to understand the objectives/needs of the person speaking. 3. Ask questions or for clarity on what you don't understand. 4. Be curious and reflect back what you are hearing. 5. Walk in their shoes figuratively speaking and express empathy as often as it is helpful. 6. Once you understand, give a considerate response. 7. Remember the value of a good repair. (See Gotman repair list) 8. Ask if you can offer perspective, only after You're certain you understand the person's need and experience. 9. Be respectful and look at the person. 10. Be mindful of your body language.

The Boo will be a bit different this Halloween! Just means its time to have fun in a new way!

"When you get through trials, the rewards for solving problems at their roots are very, very great. ~Perry Marshall"When you get through trials, the rewards for solving problems at their roots are very, very great. ~Perry Marshall

Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. ~Augustine of HippoResentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. ~Augustine of Hippo