Megan Mulheron, Marriage and Family Therapist

Great stuff from the Gottmans!

From the dehumanizing language and policy of this administration, to the history of white women using the performative quiver of fear when calling the police ...on black men, to police brutality, the system is working exactly how it was designed. The system is not broken. This is the expansive and intricate system of dehumanization that was constructed to support white supremacy and slavery. Like every genocide in recorded history, racism started with dehumanization. The system is more complex now and supported by policy. One thing remains at the center: We, the white folks, are the conduit for the system. It was built to serve us. When we do nothing it surges through us. To end racism, we have to break the system. We have to see it and fight against it - we have to be anti-racist. There are many ways to break and rebuild. But here’s what I know for sure: The most important anti-racism work I’ve done over the past 20 years and that I’m still doing (every single day) is taught and led by people with the lived experience of racial oppression - NOT white people. This includes my professors, writers, activists, bosses, and mentors. For me, it’s also about seeing, sharing, and honoring the lived experiences of my friends whose realities are/were clearly different than mine. Our job is to seek out the teaching, value it, submit to the pain of learning without asking our teachers to absolve us or add our emotions to their load, and know that being held accountable is hard and painful. And we have to act. There are many teachers who are leading the way. Here are some teachers that I follow and who are doing critical work right now. Austin Channing Brown (the The Next Question) Dr. Bernice King (on MSNBC today at 1:45EST and has an important series on FB) Dr. Clint Smith (June 3 event) Prof. Ibram Kendi (on Unlocking Us this week) Rachel Cargle (Public address on revolution available now) If you know of other teachers - please leave them in the comments and we'll put together a list. Amplify their voices and their work. Buy their books. Take their classes. Break the system.

Would love as many shares as possible. We’re here and ready to help! We can serve people in Kansas and Missouri.

Four positive reframes. Let’s just get something out there - we NEVER want to minimize any of your feelings or experiences. Life is hard, things get tough. If ...we told you just to think more positively and things will get better, we’d be doing you a massive disservice. That said, Positive Reframing is a tool and resource you can use to help you get through some of the crap! We did some research on the biggest stressors around Christmas time. We were not surprised. Among the top ranked financial strain, family feuds, let downs from high expectations, grief from loss, end-of-year regrets, over-filled schedules, fear of gaining weight, dealing with crowds, the list goes on and on and on. Here are a few positive reframes to refresh your perspective and prevent you from spiraling down into the negativity of the season. 1. I don’t have enough money for Christmas gifts. Positive Reframe: I don’t have to impress everyone with fancy things! I have an opportunity to make (or bake ) gifts that everyone will love, and I won’t have to worry about my bills. 2. I have to see family members I do NOT get along with. Positive Reframe: I’m excited to see other family members I don’t see often. And, spending time with them will be a good buffer from spending too much time with Uncle Not-So-Great. 3. I did not accomplish ANYTHING I wanted to this year. Positive Reframe: The end of a calendar year is nothing special. I am doing the very hard work of becoming self-aware, defining my priorities, and discovering what will make me happier and healthier in the future. That work is paying off! 4. Fighting the holiday shopping crowds makes me want to vomit a little. Positive Reframe: Once I finish my shopping, I can go home to my warm beverage of choice, read my book, or spend time with someone I love. And, shopping will be checked off my list! Also, for that last one, remember that Amazon exists :) Online shopping can be a whole different type of therapy. If you can’t think of a way to positively reframe something, drop us a comment (or a DM if that feels better for you!) and we’ll help you reframe it! If you missed the first few days, you can catch up on the blog! https://www.mossandmainkc.com//12-days-of-christmas-therapy #therapylife #kctherapist #christmastherapy #12daysofchristmas #positivereframe #lmft #mossandmain

There is so much value in giving yourself permission to be human. You will make mistakes. This is guaranteed. Screw up, circle back, and try again.