Esticles General Store

You have GOT to try our ham

In celebration of the winter solstice, come in before sundown and receive a free mooncake with the purchase of one of Robert "Patented" Pattinson's "Put It in your mouth," lightly salted extra crispy seasonal meat bouquets. It's like an Edible Arrangement, but with REFRIGERATED meat. We need these GONE.

Tired of putzing around at university when all you want is to get in the workforce ASAP!? Have no fear, loyal button pusher! Esticles General Store will now print you a custom diploma with any and all information you would like on it! Did you really go to Dartmouth? Who's to say you didn't when you're seen brandishing your custom Esticles diploma!

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It's that time of year again! Half-price used needles sale!